GOD: Hello!
ANGEL: Hey, God.
G: You seem solemn.
A: Do you really need to talk like that? You’re God. I’m sure nothing merely “seems” like anything to you.
G: Would you rob a man of his diction?
A: There you go again, you’re not a man.
G: And there you go again robbing me.
A: Sorry, I am feeling solemn.
G: I know.
A: Yeah.
G: Well, go ahead and tell me.
A: Okay, so I’ve only been in heaven for a few months, as you know, and I’ve been earnestly trying to figure out my role up here. Only, I haven’t quite found it yet and I’m feeling kind of restless.
G: I see.
A: Of course. Well, anyway, I can’t seem to narrow the domain of possibilities and its really stringing me out. I mean, when it comes down to it — is there anything an angel can’t do?
G: Well, it can’t be me, of course.
A: I guess that’s a start. I can’t be god. I was thinking about becoming an SAT tutor — I think the pay is good, and it’s pretty easy work.
G: Is that what you want? A life of ease?
A: You say it like it’s a bad thing. No, God, I want my post-life life to be really hard. This is heaven, remember?
G: Yes, of course, I know. I’m just trying to urge to not take an easy route merely because it seems safe, and you know exactly what you are getting into. It’s a hard argument to make, really, to endorse a choice whose outcome is not certain — of course, it would have to be an argument about the goodness of uncertainty, which for me, of course, is a pretty hard concept to get my head around.
A: C’mon God, don’t starting getting philosophical on me. I’m trying to make an actual decision.
G: Right, of course. Well, what are your alternatives?
A: Well many, really. And that’s the hard part. There’s stand-up comedian, ethologist, actor, writer, entrepreneur. The world is my oyster, so to speak
G: Well, those indeed seem like some intriguing choices. What’s keeping you from settling on a single one.
A: Well, there is my tremendous sense of doubt.
G: What do you doubt?
A: My interest, my potential for success. The reasons are vague, I know, but they are powerful as they are nebulous.
G: Well, okay. What if I just pick for you?
A: Will you enforce it?
G: I will.
A: Okay, fine then, you do something and force me to carry it out. On my own free will, I hereby abandon my personal sovereignty and yield that power to you.
G: Good, now go get me a dugong.
A: A dugong, sir?
G: Yes, it’s a manatee.
A: Well, why did you call it a dugong then?
G: To be cute, of course. Doesn’t my mouth look awfully cute when I say “dugong”?
A: No.
